Title pretty much sums up my philosophical inquiry. The dictionary defines "zombie" as a soul-less corpse reanimated through witchcraft. Sol Neely defined it as "this dead thing that eats your brains. Also the epitome of all things awesome. Or someone who’s lost all higher brain function. But mainly the epitome of awesome” I like his definition better. Mainly because it means I'm awesome. Or at least awesome in spirit. Which makes me a bit like Jesus when you think about it.
Unless your definition is the Harry Potter variant, which they call an inferi but is really a zombie avoiding copyright laws. That one’s pretty cool, although I don’t see myself becoming that attached to a necklace, so I’m gonna file that under the “nay” category.
Why mister weirdo man, why the obsession bordering on necrophilia? I’m glad you asked, figment of my imagination. Allow me to indulge.
At this very moment I’m putting every once of my being into remaining conscious enough to operate a laptop, gulping down (I think) my third coffee/energy drink/heart explodingly caffeinated beverage in the last five hours. In about another hour I’ll be heading to the bus stop which will take me to the depths of Hell. I mean work. That’s right, I’m going to work. Normally I’d limit this injustice to verbal complaints only, but on this particular night, the injustice has reached the level of England’s shoulda been a goal but wasn’t a goal against Germany—goddam travesty.
Why? Not only am I missing out on first Friday and the gallery walk, I’m missing out on the ZOMBIE WALK. The undead are reclaiming J-town from the literary snobs (or the most brilliant minds of our time, pick one) while I’m gonna be watching someone sleep. Granted, I’m getting paid to watch someone sleep, but it’s nowhere near enough to justify missing an opportunity to wander around and eat people’s brains. Mmmm, brains.
I guess I can take some solace in the fact that my media club friend said she was going to film it (here’s hoping it ends up on Youtube), so I can sorta relive the epicness that is a mass overthrow of the living. Or I can take pride in the fact that my tiny little U of ASE is sparking the life back into death.
Seriously, how awesome is it that a class of maybe twenty students is throwing something like that? Yea they had help from the radio peeps, but we were gonna do it anyway. And ours woulda been even more epic because it was slotted for Halloween (yes, epic takes on the definition of freezing in this case). Personally I think we should welcome the undead into our lives more often.
We could raid cemeteries and walk the recently and not so recently deceased around ventriloquist style. Think of how much joy we’d bring to people, giving them a chance to reconnect with their lost loves.
Right, so I’m going to Hell for that, but I couldn’t resist. Particularly since I’ll be there in half an hour anyway.
Seriously though, don’t pretend a recreation of some old dude and a kid with too much hair crossing a boat to get a necklace wouldn’t draw a crowd. You wouldn’t even have to bribe me with extra credit: I’d just lurk in Auke Lake and ambush whoever came within reach. Sign me up.
I’m signing you up too. It’ll be grand.
So even though I’m not as tired as I was last week, I probably will be soon. Which will make me a zombie, even though I’m missing out on the zombie walk. Which will make me a zombie in spirit.
And yes, zombies have spirits too. Geez, way to discriminate.