Sunday, December 5, 2010

Emily Thinks I'm Snape-Thoughts?

            So the other day Emily and I were having our weekly Tidal Echoes meeting—the theme of this one was “so if you’re an intern you have no free time for the next week.” After sorting out everything that needed to be sorted, we kicked it for a bit and discussed all the things that make us brilliant. As a sidenote: there was what looked like an apparently very timid 110 student waiting in the hall for her turn to meet, and we delayed her by like half an hour. I felt bad. End of sidenote..
            Anyway, our fearless (and prego) workshop leader tells me I would make a good Snape. I’m not so sure about this—for one, my hair is poofy, not greasy. Well, the other day it was greasy, but that was because I’d been stuck at work without a shower for twenty-four hours. Normally it’s poofy. Plus, Snape is pretty a genius when it comes to chemistry. I don’t like chemistry—the labs were fun enough, but the class is what made me decide to not be a biology major. Chemistry and I don’t get along, unless by “chemistry” you mean finding creative ways to burn stuff, and even then I tend to come off slightly more crispy than I would normally prefer. Plus, I was a bio major. Snape was a badass major. Differences: 3. Similarities: 1, and that’s only after twenty-four hours without a shower.
            And Snape’s an asshole. I’m not an asshole.

            Okay, maybe sometimes. But Snape’s ALWAYS and asshole. Granted, he’s an asshole in the “holy balls that was hilarious because he didn’t do that to me” sort of way, but he’s still an asshole. Perma-asshole even.
            Here’s where I start drawing similarities. Snape’s brilliant. I’m brilliant. Snape likes redheads (well…one of them anyway). I like redheads. Snape can lie like a mother. I can lie like a mother. Snape’s brilliant. I’m brilliant.
            Snape’s full of himself a wee bit. I’m full of myself when writing blogs. And occasionally when I start talking. But that’s hardly a reflection of overall character.
            Also, how the Hell is Dumbledore in Word’s dictionary and not Snape? It even does the automatic capitalization shenanigans. Le sigh…Slytherins get no love.

            Right, back the matter at hand. Emily called Snape the second smartest person in the series. Personally I think Snape trumps all when you just consider sheer brilliance, but Voldy’s an evil shit and Dumbledore’s older than balls, so they had a bit of an unfair advantage. Snape just wanted to teach and do dirty things to that redhead.
            Seriously though, if Snape ever decided to take over the world…woe be to all. WOE. BE. TO. ALL.
            Which I guess makes Snape more like me (or is it the other way around). I have no desire to take over the world, but if I ever have a change of heart, you’re all screwed. Just remember: I like steak and cheese, and I’m rather fond of free back rubs.

            Also: I formally apologize to the timid 110 looking student who was waiting for Emily for like half an hour while we talked about Harry Potter. You rather reminded me of Neville whenever he’s in the presence of Snape, except you didn’t have a toad and aren’t a dude.


  1. Well, I'm going to start by saying I'm not a real Harry Potter fan. However, as far as Harry Potter characters go Snape's pretty glorious. He's certainly one of the best characters in the story. Sure he's an ass, but as we established in class last week, sometimes it's perfectly alright to be an ass. It's all in the presentation. So, yes, I can see some Snape (Blogger recognizes Snape & got angry when I didn't capitalize it so Microsoft can piss off) qualities, but you're not quite as fantastical. Keep workin' on it. You've got potential ;-)

  2. I maintain my position that this is an enormous compliment to you--probably the biggest one I've given you to date. Hair is trivial when you consider sectum sempra and being able to turn into a bat. Just pure badassness.